Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
