I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
