Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
