I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
