Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
