when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
