We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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