Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
