i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
