I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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