You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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