I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
