Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
