I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
