actually, I'm a sock model
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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