My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
