dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
