dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
