I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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