My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
