Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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