I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
