Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
