bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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