his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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