Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
