It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
