Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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