Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
