morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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