Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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