Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
