so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
