i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Are we still banned from the library?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
