i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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