I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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