Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
