Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
