He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry about my life...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
