Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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