Your tits are I can't wait for
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
