Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
