I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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