Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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