Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
