Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
