Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
