I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
