walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
