I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
