i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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