peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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