Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
