I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
